Honea Express

Across the calendar a line of Xs stand upon the dates that we have kissed goodbye. Each line an ending, a memory, and one step closer to hugging someone at the last possible minute.

The year goes out with a bang, just as it arrived. It spends its last week sleeping off holiday treats and shopping fatigue. As the end draws near it makes a reservation, shaves what’s hairy, and puts on something that pops. It’s a party after all, and the year deserves it.

In the wings waits the next one. It is young and naive, full of hope and promises. It watches the current year and notes what it will do differently. It watches and it waits, one eye always on the hourglass. It too will dress in something smart, but not nearly as outdated.

People pull out resolutions and change the date accordingly. The one becomes an awkward two and everyone is the wiser. They are losing weight and quitting vices. They are eating healthier and trying harder. They have waited a year to repeat themselves. The first week is the hardest, and often the only.

The children want to stay up until midnight because everyone is doing it and the reviews are fantastic. They laugh every time someone makes a joke about seeing them next year. They are alive with apple juice and Chex mix.  They are why the new year rings.

The year will fall, another will rise to take its place, and the world will carry on regardless. There may be song and a spot or two of dancing. Laughter is strongly encouraged.

Happy New Year. You deserve it.

Everybody loves a good sequel. Here’s the one Ipromised Upromise. See what I did there?

Don’t worry, I wouldn’t have agreed to write this if I didn’t believe in it. Also, they’re paying me. But mostly because they’re paying me. I mean, mostly because I believe in it. And I believe in you. Most of you.

Here’s the thing about Upromise — it promises to save you money, and guess what? It is a promise kept. How? Glad you asked.

If you put your credit card on file with Upromise you can receive one cent back per gallon of gas at Exxon/Mobile stations. That adds up.

They also let you get cash back from grocery shopping, restaurant gift certificates (purchased at restaurant.com), and the buying or selling of a home. Seriously. They’re like the lizard king, they can do anything. Where anything equals saving you money in an array of ways.

And here’s how they’ll save you money on your holiday shopping: The Upromise Holiday Savings Hotspot. Sign up for a free Upromise account and then shop through their website at over 900 stores for increased holiday rewards and savings. Many of the Upromise partner sites are offering double their regular savings.

Who are the Upromise partner sites? Sur la Table, Godiva, Disney, Gap, Toy “r” Us, Barnes and Noble, Apple, Sony, Target… and about 890 more. You like those places. You like saving money.

Am I right? Of course I am. Ipromise.

I did it again.

Disclosure: This winter I was given a rare opportunity to be a Upromise Ambassador, which means, yes, this is a paid post (the second of two). I hope that doesn’t offend you. The reason that I agreed to this relationship is twofold, a) I’m buying what Upromise is selling, and b) I would not have been able to purchase my children a single Christmas gift if this opportunity hadn’t come about. That’s right, people, you’re reading a Christmas miracle. Believe.

We’re a touchscreen family. My wife and I have smartphones, the oldest boy has an iPod Touch, and the youngest has… okay, three out of four isn’t bad. Unless you’re the fourth.

Luckily for our fourth, VTech came to the rescue with their new InnoTab. Now we’re four for four. Touchscreens for all the family!

Q: What’s an InnoTab?

A: The InnoTab Learning App Tablet by VTech is a cutting-edge educational toy that combines the technology of grown-up touchpad devices with the fun learning that kids love.

It’s a multi-media tablet with interactive reading, learning games and creative activities with a 5″ color touch screen and tilt-sensor. That means kids can tap, flick, drag, and curse at their touchpads just like Mom and Dad (not the cursing part, just making sure you’re paying attention). The InnoTab comes with on-board applications such as an MP3 Player, Video Player, Art Studio, Friends List, Calculator, and this thing which tells time.  Additional cartridges with kids’ favorite licensed characters are sold separately and teach essential skills in reading, logic, and creativity. Additional content such as e-books and learning games can easily be uploaded to the InnoTab through VTech’s Learning Lodge Navigator where parents can also see their child’s progress on a variety of educational milestones and lessons.

It includes four different media players: E-Book reader, MP3 music player, photo viewer and video player, 64MB onboard memory and a SD card slot for memory expansion.

Basically, it’s everything a kid needs in a touchpad without all of the worry and hassle of the internet.

The folks at VTech sent my family an InnoTab Learning App Tablet to review, and it immediately fell into the hands of the 5-year-old (it’s for ages 4-9). That’s not to say the 8-year-old doesn’t enjoy it, rather the younger one won’t let him play with it. This has also been a lesson in karma for the older brother.

If you’re looking for a last minute Christmas gift for that awesome kid in your life you can’t go wrong with the InnoTab Learning Tablet. It’s so much better than having them beg to play on your smartphone.

We give it a thumbs up!

Disclosure: As stated above, I received one InnoTab Learning Tablet from VTech for the purpose of this review. The opinions are my own. For more information on my review policy please see the appropriate page from the tabs above.

Popular thought suggests that there is a spark inside all of us. Personal experience is that some shine brighter than others. That doesn’t devalue anyone. It just is. Accept it or change it. It’s your spark.

Mine twists like a lighthouse in a windstorm. It is either lost through waves of bourbon or cutting through so much fog to find you like a spotlight. When I shine I want you to shine with me. It is lonely at the top.

We live in a land of opportunity. The cobblestones are plated gold. The dust a blend of pixie. But dreams are not granted to the masses. We must walk uphill in every way, knocking on doors and selling our wares and what passes for awareness. Don’t sell yours short. The highest bid is often the most careless.

And there are dark doors that figuratively represent whatever you need them to. Literally they are but hinged barriers to the path ahead. The light from the other side glows like a burning picture frame. It is an invitation. It is a warning. It has a handle that only needs to be turned.

Opening doors is why steps are taken.

It may require pause. New paths are hard to start and old paths end too quickly. The scene from the doorstep is of rolling hills and promise. My feet are tired and anxious. There is a stack of shoes in the foyer, each covered in potential and glowing with dust (the smaller shoes shine the brightest). The surrounding floor grows sterile and absent as it stretches down the hallway. I cannot remember if I am coming or going. I am paused, and I am wondering where to put my foot down.

Some look to the heavens when they have nowhere else to turn. Some look there first. I look up and I see stars that stretch forever. I find more perspective than answers.

Perhaps it is the time of year. Perhaps it is the wind in your hair. Life is a dance of wonder and melancholy, and each step brings a gasp, each spin leaves a smile. We are tussled and chapped, and the deeper the dip the more we feel alive.

Perhaps decisions are best made when we don’t know that we are making them. We are lost in the movement. We are paused before doorways. We are always looking for a better place.

That is what I am doing here, writing in circles and wasting language best spent on documents and deadlines — thirsty words wandering from waterhole to wonder and always with the stars in their eyes, always with the day’s dust behind them.

Popular thought suggests that there is a spark inside all of us. Mine is helping to keep us warm, and perhaps that is enough of a wonder for anyone.

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Photo by ImaRawkStar

Today is December 1, 2011 and according to the Mayans, the mustache has ended. This is good news.

Mustaches and my face do not get along. In fact, the only thing that looks worse on my face is a fist (or whatever dirty joke you just came up with). I actually wrote a musical about the experience of growing a mustache for charity and how torn I was about the process. On one lip, I was thrilled to raise money and awareness for Movember and the fight against prostate and testicular cancers — our Dad2.0 team raised over $19,000, and the good people at Philips Norelco are matching $15,000 of that thanks to a series of shaving videos that many of us have made. I would also like to add that Baby Showers for Guys is donating $500 to the team (which includes many of the DadCentric guys!) in the name of their contest winner (which appears to be me!). That’s roughly $35,000 to cancer research just by not shaving. If only all good causes were this lazy, we could find cures for everything!

But the bottom lip is, I look like a real creep with a mustache. Even more than usual.

My wife hated it. It put her on edge and made her meaner than normal. She just assumed I had nothing nice to say.

My kids hated it. They said that it was sharp and itchy. They had no idea.

Society hated it. I couldn’t walk across the school parking lot without people throwing cabbage and pitchforks at me. In other news, my cabbage and pitchfork resale business is doing great.

You’ll catch part of the aforementioned abandoned musical in the clip below. The line was, “I look like I live in my mother’s basement, but that will soon change with this product placement.” And then the Philips Norelco SensoTouch 3D (Model 1250XCC), the Jet Clean system, and the Vacuum Stubble and Beard Trimmer would all get up and dance. It just wasn’t in the budget.

Here is the shaving video I made for Philips Norelco:

I will never shave the second mustache. That one isn’t creepy at all.

And now, a rare photo of me without facial hair:

I must admit, I swore off electric razors a long time ago, but the Norelco worked like a champ. It’s nice to work with products you can believe in. I’m looking at you, my phone service provider.

In case you are concerned that my freshly-shorn lip may catch cold this winter, don’t worry, I’m growing a dogstache. It’s really quite warm:

Thank you to all that participated, donated and restrained themselves from calling the authorities during the Movember campaign. Here’s to hitting cancer where it taint, once and for all.

Disclosure: The Philips Norelco products mentioned in this post were provided for free in exchange for the shaving video embedded above. I would like to thank Philips Norelco for the shaving system and their generous contribution to our Movember team.