World Where We Live
For the past two years my wife and I have both worked from the home. It took its toll on us. We found ourselves arguing about the little things that shouldn’t even be mentioned, let alone at decibels that only the neighbors could hear. We bickered over the bickerless and grated the nerves of the other like so much cheese. Familiarity led to the lack of it.
Recently, my wife took a job out of the house. Once again we have our own space. We are able, each of us, to be our own person and no longer feel ourselves defined by the other, or the situation, or the fork that she tried to stab me with (not really). There is room to breathe.
It kind of sucks.
With my wife’s new job taking her out of the house I am suddenly alone with them. You know who I’m talking about. They demand constant attention — something we had once volleyed between us like beach balls in a stadium now smacks me squarely in the head as soon as I dare look in the opposite direction. I’ve become that guy that gives the beach ball to the security guard, and everyone knows that guy is a total jackass. Go on, boo me. I’ll wait.
The thing is, I have deadlines and a 50+ hour per week workload, and frankly, it’s hard. Sure, I know others do it all the time, and yes, I can do it — and I do it well, but that doesn’t mean it’s awesome. I’m a writer. My job requires quiet, heavy drinking and random bouts of pornography, all of which are now impossible and/or widely frowned upon.
I had a meeting this morning, just like I do every Tuesday. It’s a group call on the phone with a bunch of people that can fire me. I was 10 minutes late because I had to get my oldest ready for school and put breakfast in the bottomless belly of the younger. I joined the meeting in progress while running, yes, literally running, to my son’s school. The bell rang as we hit the crosswalk. We stopped by the office for a tardy slip, walked briskly down the hall, and suddenly it became my turn to speak and all I could say was, “I love you. Have a good day.”
I finished my meeting on the walk home and nobody cared that I was out of breath, full of stress or that I had forgotten to make my son his lunch. They wanted what they pay for and I gave them what I could, hoping that they wouldn’t ask for change.
My job is getting less from me. My children are getting less from me. It’s a one-two punch. Hit the wallet. Hit the heart.
Even now, I write these broken words around sudden stops, tending to the humanity of it all with sternness and the promise of consequence.
Take the punches and roll. Take the money and run. Take it easy.
Even now, I write these stern words around sudden stops, tending with humanity the consequence of broken promises.
Just take it easy.
There is a beach ball floating across waves of cheers and paperwork, and it is headed straight for me.
Dude, this is my life. It’s especially hard over the summer. I wish you lived closer so we could lock our sons in the playroom/backyard/out of our hair, and we could just drink and write.
Obviously you need to move closer.
Nicely written. Sounds hard.
It’s no harder than what anyone else does, it’s just the sudden change. At least I hope so.
I can imagine being in those shoes. My wife and I know we couldn’t work in the same environment, much less at home with one another. Rest assured though, you are a great writer, great storyteller … so all that will pay off. And if nothing else, you’re “new world” gives you great fodder to help teach the rest of us.
As far as our marriage goes it’s probably best we have some space.
As far as my getting any work done? Not so much.
This rings so true and you’re absolutely right – you can do it but it won’t always be awesome. But sometimes it will be and you’ll be home at 8:00 a.m and realize that everyone was where they needed to be when they needed to be there with everything they needed to have. Enjoy the quiet, have a cocktail and don’t be so hard on yourself when it all goes to hell the next day.
It’s awesome enough that it’s worth it. Usually.
Wow! You work 50 hours a week AND you are a SAHD? How do you do it? (Even when you had the wife around during the day?)
So you are feeling stretched thin. I bet you have had lots of experience with this over the years. What worked
A lot of LATE nights. There’s a level of frustration that comes with getting 3 hours of work done in 8 hours of working.
Sounds tough man.
It isn’t easy being cheesy.
Wow. You described my life to a T. Minus the kids, the writing, the wife, and the drinking. Who knew we had so much in common?
I assume you’re talking about the pornography.
I struggle with this every day, and I’m not even the at-home parent. I find myself thinking about my kids when I’m at work, causing me to lose focus. And then I find myself thinking about work when I’m at home.
It’s a Catch-22, but with less airplanes.
That sums it up so well. At times, the conflict between work and the raising of children (and all of the peripheral housework that goes along with it) is palpable. And impossible. They both demand so much. Yet, at the same time, it is worth it. Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s worth it.
That’s the only reason I wake up in the morning. Also, coffee.
I’ll readily admit it. I don’t have it as hard as you, but I think I can sympathize anyway. Being pulled in every direction and not being sufficiently attentive to any of them is a bummer. Of course you want to be an awesome dad (and I bet you are) and of course you want to perform your job. But neither of them can be sacrificed so you just get stretched, and you have to take away from your free-time and sanity to get it all to happen. I’ve got one word for that — suck. It’s the definition of rock and a hard place. Anyway, at the very least, you write about it so clearly that I feel it. You are indeed a very good writer.
Thanks, Keith. That’s it exactly. I like to think that I err on the side of fatherhood. There will always be another paycheck. Another small, mocking paycheck.
Sounds hectic! When do you find time for metaphor construction? (The beach ball is a great one.)
Thanks. I have elves make those for me overnight. They’re local.
I can’t say I understand your unique set of circumstances, but I can say I get it.
Your quality of writing surely hasn’t suffered for it, if this post is any sign.
Keep your head up, Billy, buddy.
Nobody understands my unique set of circumstances. Especially me.
Head up.
My wife and I basically have the same dynamic but I only work part time (20+ hours) from home and take care of ONE 2YO. I don’t envy you… man that’s hard stuff! Hang in there brother.
FYI – Found your site via SeattleDads (Luke I Am Your Fathers) blog. Like what I see!
It’s hard as hell and still really awesome. What’s a guy to do.
Thanks for stopping by. BTW, SeattleDad works on commission. Now I owe him a buck.
Kudos to manly men and real fathers. You gotta keep on keepin’ on. I share some of your feelings minus having man parts and the need for porn
Yeah, I was just kidding about the porn. That’s gross.
The Man sent me a note yesterday that he wanted to talk career. My first thought was “he can’t work from home too.” I know couples who do it, I just don’t know how.
Work life balance is hard. We made the decision that if family is a priority then we have to start living that way. That means, for now, reduced income and tightening out belts. But I can’t say that I miss the lattes.
Luckily, tight belts are all the rage.
You know, I think there is no compromise. I’m totally a SAHD. S’my job. I’m pretty good. But, I’ve also become the mean one, the one who needs a break, the one whose rules are too rigid, the one who sometimes misses having Something Else. I love my job, but so did Dave Chapelle, and he cracked. Vacations are good, is what I’m saying, I think.
First time commenting, read your stuff whenever I can.
Thanks for leaving a comment!
You and Dave Chapelle are now forever linked in my mind.
“I’m Homemaker Man, bitch.”
That would be impossible to me. I need silence to concentrate. The fact that you can pull it off puts me in awe of you. Hope it gets better. Great post.
Oh, I need silence, too. Hence me staying up way too late to make up for all the time I lost during the day. By lost I mean spent w/my kids, but you know what I mean.
I think you need a roll of duct tape and some ropes and I am not talking for the porn re-enactment you do each night.
What kind of porn are you watching? I want to party with you, cowgirl!
I love it when people at work complain about the office but hey I get to poop in peace everyday and read the paper from cover to cover.
Ah, sounds fantastic.
“My job requires quiet, heavy drinking and random bouts of pornography, all of which are now impossible and/or widely frowned upon.” This made me laugh. You are such a talented writer. Rock on…
That’s kind of you. I will now continue with the rocking.
Racing from the kid’s school to be on time for the demands of the job, knowing you’re already late – I know that feeling. It sucks. Hope things ease up and you’re able to find time for the important stuff, by which I mean porn and alcohol, naturally.
Thanks. I’m working on it.
aren’t you kids on summer vacation?
Yes. Yes, they are.
Atticus: Zane… I know what we are going to do today!
While my circumstances vary from yours, I understand all too well the commitments and stresses that come from it.
What I also know is you are an incredible talent, a good father, and a generally nice guy that has balanced all these things before.
With the change in routines now, sure, it is going to be difficult for a while, but I have no doubt you will find your way through it and I suspect that it is your own high standards that are making you uncomfortable, and not others finding you lacking.
The only certainty in life is that as soon as you think you have it all figured out… something changes. It is those who can adapt that will thrive… and you no doubt will.
So it’s like Darwinism. Or Stitch. I can get behind that.
And thanks!
This has just inspired me to go into pornography. Full time.
Good, I was tired of seeing you do it half-ass.