This post is sponsored by Kimberly-Clark, and you should read it because it took me a long time and it’s almost kind of funny. Also, your bum wants you to.
Our house was in a lull. We were floating somewhere between the kids growing out of their diapers and me growing back into mine, and as such we made the mistake of thinking ours a wipe-free zone.
I blame Dora: “Wiper, no wiping!”
Or in this case, the cheap knock-off DVD I bought on Hollywood Boulevard. Don’t worry, Nora has been worth every penny, all fifty of them.
Then the days rolled into nights followed by morning constitutions. Again and again. We are nothing if not regular. The montage had your favorite song in it! And still we spared square after square, never thinking about better ways and slightly less chaffing. We never knew how clean we could be.
Enter Cottonelle and some wipes right behind them. Get it?
Butt seriously, folks…
The Cottonelle Care Routine is the real deal, and if you think that’s too fresh you are absolutely right. It’s fantastic.
Cottonelle has a new campaign called #LetsTalkBums in which British filmmaker and comedian Cherry Healey travels across American and embarrasses people who poop. There are more than you think.
A group of awesome dad bloggers (and me) are also on-board, but instead of doing the obvious thing (wiping workshops, crowdsourcing, breakdance fighting) we are doing what bloggers do best: poetry. Hence, haiku.
That’s right. We are sharing the awesomeness of the Cottonelle Care Routine 17 syllables at the time. And so can you!
For the next six weeks we are having a contest on the Twitter in which you, the public, can submit your own haikus about the joys of wiping, freshness, and the wonders of the Cottonelle Care Routine in order to win fabulous prizes. All you have to do is write your haiku (three lines of 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables, respectively, all divided by one of these things: /) and use the hashtags #LetsTalkBums and #Haiku to enter (that’s all the hashtags you need, or #things could get ugly).
Here are a few of my examples:
Cold seat warmed by youth / If it is brown, flush it down / The wind cries, “Daddy”
Can you smell that smell / The smell that is around you / Wipe up when you’re done
Wipe the day away / Flushing takes a memory / So fresh and so clean
Obviously this is advanced stuff, so don’t hurt yourself trying to be this clever right off the bat. You have six weeks to perfect it (enter as often as you like). Besides, I’m not eligible to win and that increases your chances by almost onefold.
After you submit your entry you can visit wipingpoetic.com and look at it again. This is also where you can size up the competition.
It’s going to be a lot of good, clean fun. That’s my way of saying be clever, not crude. You can do it.
So what can you win? Check this out:
Every Sunday, our team will select the best haiku submission of the previous week.
On Monday mornings, we’ll announce the winner, who will receive a $200 gift card and be eligible for the Grand Prize: An “Epic Experience” trip to the 2014 Dad 2.0 Summit in New Orleans!
Package includes: Airfare to New Orleans, a two-night stay at the J.W. Marriott, and a complimentary ticket to attend the 2014 Dad 2.0 Summit!
We’re not messing around, people, and to prove it we’re having an old-fashioned Twitter Party on Monday, September 30 at 8 p.m. EDT with trivia, discussions, prizes, and haiku fun to kick-off it all off. Be there or be somewhere else and missing it. Trust me, being there is better. Watch for the #LetsTalkBums and #Haiku hashtag tandem on your favorite Twitter station.
I’ll be there a bit early for some tailgating, because I just can’t help myself.