Honea Express

Archive for the ‘Books’ Category

The sound was children laughing. The distance was measured in steps. There was skipping and screaming, and toys thrown asunder — the usual suspects of happiness that have lovingly littered our small street for the past two years.

“But there is something missing,” said the neighbor.

I said nothing and watched the children run by us. They took the hill with confidence, a blur of open mouths and hair blown by the wind. Between them flickered empty spaces of sunlight where my boys used to be.

I said nothing and watched the birds fly overhead. The clouds were low and pulled further down by greedy trees with nothing better to do.  The mist fell across my face, cool and sticky. It saved me the trouble of crying. The house just stood there with a blank look across its face, its door wide open. Inside it was nothing but boxes, echoes, and the ghost of a home slowly dying.

The children ran back up the hill, a pack chasing after laughter. Our eyes met as they passed me by, and for a moment the world fell silent.  I could read the writing on their wall, the smiles upon their faces. They were happy, but they knew it too, for they had left the spaces.

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Reading this post again, I can see how those that don’t know our story may find it cause for concern. My children are fine. They have just moved to California ahead of me to spend time with their grandparents while my wife starts her new job.  Unfortunately, they left some great friends behind in the process.

It’s Father’s Day and I spent it at a beer festival, forgive me for waxing melancholy.

There’s something about penguins that just feels right. Like all things it starts with fashion, which, in their case, is fabulous. Their look is equal parts pious nunwear and twinkle in their eye, dapper man about town. They are full of innocence and mischief, have terrible table manners and bladders the size of, well, penguins. They’re like well-dressed children.

Except they are not children. They are wild beasts that look great in a bow tie. No matter how easy they make it look in the movies, caring for wild animals is a lot of hard work. Also like children.

And then there are the conspiracies.

Do you have your tinfoil hats on? Good. Here are some theories that I have about penguins:

Penguins like people that pop. What does that mean? It means that the two greatest penguin movie moments to date, with all apologies to Morgan Freeman, involve central characters with those letters, “popp” to be exact, in their name: Mr. Popper and Mary Poppins, respectively. (Sorry, Happy Feet, you’re too preachy, even for a liberal elitist like me. You’re like the Michael Moore of animated family films. Honorable mention to Madagascar.)

Coincidence? I think not.

Penguins like to dance. Let’s look even closer at the two films in question. In Disney’s classic Mary Poppins we are treated to one of my favorite scenes in any movie ever, when Bert, played by Dick Van Dyke, dances with animated penguins.

In Mr. Popper’s Penguins we are treated to a scene, albeit too brief, where the title character, played by Jim Carrey, does a similar soft-shoe with CGI penguins.

Thanks to 20th Century Fox I was able to sit down with Carrey, so I pressed him on the issue (because that’s what conspiracy theorists do).

Whit: I thought there was a little nod, in Mr. Popper, where you were dancing with the penguins, that was very Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins.

Jim Carrey:   Well, exactly. That’s not a mistake.  That comes from my love for him.  And I invited him to the premier and he’s coming to the premier.

Whit:  Cool.

Jim Carrey:  Pretty cool.

And then I got to dance with the penguins. Where dancing is kind of a strong word. Yet it was a moment for me because of the moments above, and I was a little nervous and a little hungover, and the one penguin kept falling on his ass, but it happened.

The boys, especially the youngest who loves penguins and Mary Poppins like other kids love penguins and South Park, are beside themselves. They don’t know the difference between a Dick Van Dyke, a Jim Carrey or their dad. They only know what they like, and they like penguins.

The other suspicious thing I was going to discuss about penguins is the similarities between Mr. Popper’s Penguins and Mr. Holland’s Opus, because Opus, obviously, is a penguin. But I think that’s the only similarity, so I’ll stop there.

And I won’t even go into this:

Bottom line, I go for penguins. I bet you do, too.

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Want to know more about Mr. Popper’s Penguins? Please see these posts that I have written elsewhere because that’s where I get paid:

How to Raise Penguins in the City at JoeShopping.com

Mr. Popper’s Penguins Giveaway at BabyCenter

Mr. Popper’s Penguins: A Review at BabyCenter

Meet the Cast of Mr. Popper’s Penguins at BabyCenter

Know Your Pole From a Hole in the Ground at UpTake (coming soon)

In Which Jim Carrey and I Talk Parenting at DadCentric (coming soon)

I was a guest of 20th Century Fox in Los Angeles for an overnight trip which featured a screening of Mr. Popper’s Penguins, a copy of the book and quality time with the cast. No penguins were hurt in the making of this post.

It’s a well-known fact that I live each week like it’s Shark Week. The only thing that changes is the shark. Or my underpants, depending on said shark.

This week is no different, but instead of contemplating the circle of life we’re looking at some of the other fish in the sea. That’s right, it’s review time.

Here’s what happened: A) My last post changed so many lives and made me so popular that I have more followers than I need. I figure a long review post should weed out the bandwagon. 2) While packing for the move I found a whole bunch of unkept promises behind the couch, and if there is one thing that Whit Honea almost always does, it is sometimes keep a promise.

For instance, did you know that Saturnian 1 Sport “… has the world’s easiest balls to grip.”

Seriously, it says that.

I know.

They are pretty cool though. The Fun Gripper Balls (what are you, 12?) are made from soft, durable material that makes “grasping, tossing, flinging…” Jesus, I can’t do this.

Here’s what you need to know, Saturnian 1 Sport makes sports equipment that is easy to hold and throw, and they make them in bright, fun colors. They sent my kids some footballs and soccer balls and they really do love them, and yes, they are much easier to grip than a regular ball.

Now grow up.

Speaking of fondling things, Freehands makes gloves with “flip back caps to expose your thumb and index fingers” so that you can text, email, game and pick your nose while you’re driving in the winter or a walk-in freezer. Except the driving part, don’t do that.

The good people at Freehands.com were good enough (that’s why I called them “good people”) to send me some gloves to check out. They also sent a pair for my wife, which was a nice touch. I really should have covered this during the winter, which, for the record, just ended here last Thursday.

And now…

The Arts

Seattle is well-known for its music, but did you know that one of the best genres here is aimed at kids? True story. In addition to my pal Chris Ballew (hope I didn’t hurt you when I dropped that name, see also “dropping babies“) there are a number of great acts. Take Recess Monkey, please!

Recess Monkey has a new album out this month (release date is June 21, 2011) called Flying, and it’s pretty darn catchy — in a good way. The Monkeys were kind enough to send me a copy, and my boys really dig their funky sound. In fact, now that I think about it, they kind of dance like monkeys when they listen to it. I’m going to assume that this is just a coincidence, but I’ll keep you posted.

Here is what I know about Bob Logan: He has a blog called boBLOGan, which is freaking clever, and he is the author/illustrator of the book Rocket Town. Emphasis on illustrator.

Mr. Logan has a day job as a story artist at Dreamworks, and as such he has worked on such animated hits as Madagascar, Open Season and Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs. As you can imagine, the pictures in Rocket Town are out of this world.

See what I did there?

If I Could Keep You Little… is one of those books that make people cry in the bookstore. I tend to buy things like this for my own mother so she remembers how awesome I am.  This book, written and illustrated by Marianne Richmond, is even more sappy than most — that is to say, if you love that sort of thing you will love this, and if you don’t you’ll try to write the nicest review you possibly can without saying it was just too much for you.

Like that.

Aron Nels Steinke is the talent behind The Super Crazy Cat Dance, which is, as you may have guessed super and crazy. There is also dancing. And cats. LOL.

The Super Crazy Cat Dance is for the inner crazy cat lady in all of us, and by all of us I mean my wife.

But seriously, folks, it’s good fun and written in a style easy for kids and enjoyable for adults. Who doesn’t love that? People that aren’t kids or adults, that’s who. Also, dogs.

And there you have it, gentle reader(s). Shark Week but without the sharks plus reviews. Next up, a visit from the Green Lantern.

Believe it.

I received all of the items mentioned above from the featured companies and/or artists (or an agent working on their behalf) for the purpose of review. I’ve also received other stuff, but I don’t write about items that I (or my kids) don’t like. Negative vibes make negative people, and I don’t have time for that crap.

If I said that your lips were like bookends you might, initially, take it wrong. But if you were to think about bookends for a moment then you would realize that they often contain knowledge, and art, and beautiful words.  Besides, it is well-known that big lips are all the fashion.

The things kept between them are the point.  For instance, between every sip of whiskey there is a breath, and one of the two is bound to keep you alive. Neither, in theory, is more important than the other.

Bookends are the destination, the beginning and the end of a journey fraught with the stuffs of life and consequence — the space to put the action in.  So when I compare such things to your lips I am merely observing where great adventures must surely start and others will end abruptly.  There are secrets there, and whispers, albeit some careless.

Your lips are the home where poetry lives and dreams are sent to wander.

You know, I can’t help but feel as if I’m winning this argument.

As I mentioned before, I have a stack of things to review and frankly, I’m tired of looking at it. In fact, I think I’m done reviewing stuff unless someone sends me more stuff.

In the meantime, humor me as I keep my word while spreading it at the same time. I know, it’s awesome.

STUFF:

Hasbro was kind enough to send me a new spin on the classic game Mouse Trap. It’s part of their U-Build  series where the players actually build and customize the board. Yes, you read me.

The game has a bunch of U-Build bricks which are exactly like, but are not, another popular building brick that the kids love. It also has a Space Boot(!), some small parts and the trap.  Sadly, the mouse is not included and that actually turned out to be the most difficult, yet most rewarding, part of the game. Do you know how hard it is to catch a mouse with a plastic trap and a bunch of building bricks?  Pretty hard. The sense of accomplishment that my children achieved was worth all of the rabies shots in the world.

The U-Build spin on an already fun game pays off. It’s like two games in one: the building game where my kids fight and scream over how the board will look and the Mouse Trap game where my kids fight and scream over the first aid kit.  Of course, neither of those last two sentences are true. However, the part about it being two games in one is an actual fact based on my opinion as well as those of the people at Hasbro, and they’re right.

If U-Build it the fun will come. Also, rodents.

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The Idle Parent by  author Tom Hodgkinson looks like a nice book. It has a reddish-orange cover that I’m tempted to call a burnt sienna, but it could be the light in here — or the 4 months of dust that the book has accumulated. This is not the fault of the book or Mr. Hodgkinson, who also wrote How to Be Idle and The Freedom Manifesto.  No, it is the fault of time and my lack of it.

The book is subtitled, “Why Laid-back Parents Raise Happier and Healthier Kids,” which is a statement I’m inclined to agree with.  The kids on the cover look happy enough and their dad is totally napping on the couch. And he’s wearing Vans.  If that doesn’t scream laid-back then I don’t know what does.

I think the book weighs about a pound and a half. Give or take. It has 251 pages.

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I really dropped the ball on a review that I was supposed to write for All About Beer Magazine and my fellow DadCentricite, Greg, by losing a copy of a book they sent me called Beer Across Texas. Here’s the thing, Texas is huge and the book isn’t, which leads me to believe that the authors only discussed the good beers across Texas and not every crappy can of suds they came upon.  In the industry we call this attention to “quality” and we like it. My most sincere apologies to All About Beer, Greg and the authors of Beer Across Texas. Also, smaller books are apparently easier to lose.

Seriously, I can’t find it anywhere.

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Candlewick Press was kind enough to send a collection of summer reading over for my boys. The titles include:

It’s Vacation Time by Lerryn Korda, which is a really cute book that my 4-year-old loves. It’s about, wait for it, vacation time! The story is big on using your imagination and we’re big on that.

Maisy Goes to the Museum by Lucy Cousins is about Maisy the mouse and frankly, I can’t read it without hearing the narrators voice from the TV show. And what’s up with Charley?
But I digress. This book is for preschool kids and my preschool kid thinks it’s great and he doesn’t care how many times Charley has been dropped on his head.

Flanimals Pop-Up, which was written by Ricky Gervais, yes, that Ricky Gervais, and illustrated by Rob Steen. With a name like Flanimals Pop-Up, it’s exactly what you’d expect, but with a writer like Ricky Gervais it’s like nothing you could ever imagine. Within reason. It’s good fun.

Judy Moody’s Way Wacky Uber Awesome Book of More Fun Stuff to Do, The Oceanology Handbook – A Course For Underwater Explorers and Show Off – How to Do Absolutely Everything are big hits with my 7-year-old for all the reasons clearly stated in each book’s respective title. He likes wacky, uber, awesome, underwater exploring and doing absolutely everything. It’s like they were made for him.

Where’s Waldo? The Ultimate Travel Collection by Martin Handford is billed as the essential travel companion, and after it kept my kids quiet on an airplane for two hours I’m inclined to agree.

I still don’t know where Waldo is, but I think he stole my beer book.

All of the Candlewick Press books listed above have been big hits with my kids and for that I’m thankful. Thanks, Candlewick Press!

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And now for something completely different.

Scholastic sent me two new books, Max Spaniel: Funny Lunch and Firehouse! that my boys love.

They’re both about dogs and they are loads of fun. I’m supposed to write a review on them, but I don’t want to spoil the plot(s). Besides, this post is already longer than both books combined.

Here’s the fun part, I’m giving away 3 sets of the books! Yes, now you can own your very own copies of these entertaining books and all you have to do to win is leave a comment stating that you would like the books! I’ll send the books to three(3) random entries. The contest is only open to residents of the U.S. and P.O. boxes are not allowed. My apologies to other countries and anyone that rents a mailbox.

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And on that note, my pile of items to review is gone! Literally, I’ve been moving each item out of my office as I go and whoa, carpet!

Please note, I really do appreciate the items sent to me for review (which are all of the items listed in this post) and I wouldn’t include them here if I didn’t think people would enjoy them.  Stuff that sucks doesn’t make the page, man. Honea don’t play that.

Peace out.