Archive for the ‘parentricity’ Category

The Dadhood of the Traveling Boobs

Good people of Earth (you know who you are), I have news!

I am no longer writing for Parentricity. This is due to their ending the area in which I wrote, The Parent Rap starring Lindsay Lohan and Lindsay Lohan, and not anything personal. I swear. It’s still a cool site for parents to meet and greet and do what they do. It’s just a little less cool for my being gone. It happens.

Please don’t worry about me or my kids or the food on/around the table. In a moment of cat-like grace I’ve landed on my feet. I am now the lead editor at Up Take in the area of Family Vacations. We’ve just launched (in beta) and everyone is working around the clock (well, the writers are, I’m an editor- I drink coffee and nod). It’s a fresh, new site and we have big plans for it. Use it for your travel needs!

Vacations

Blogging superstar Sweetney has released the official list of her Top Ten Dad Blogs of All Time (I added the ‘All Time’ for emphasis) and guess who got his little blog mentioned? Yes, it is me and this here Honea (sounds like ‘pony’) Express, which proves that Sweetney isn’t above irony and/or pity and/or bribes.

Also mentioned on the list is DadCentric where I have a new post up today, and not just any post, but THE BEST POST of ALL TIME. Too much?

The post is actually an interview with international (Canadian) blogger and CNN highlight reel, Redneck Mommy. It’s an intense conversation in which she answers more questions than Sarah Palin and the answer is always “boobs.” Stop what you’re doing and go read it. You’ll be better for it.

But enough about me, how are you?

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The Week in Whit

In the interest of self-promotion I am going to start a new thing here, it may or may not be ‘The Week in Whit,’ but something where I share some links to the stuff I’m writing when I’m not writing here. Basically, I’ve been dancing with some other dates and I want to show you their curves. Is that so wrong? I’m proud.

Speaking of curves. I am going to be adding a new ad company. I’m having some issues as the requirements for placement for Divine Caroline are the same as those for BlogHer, and while I don’t want to lose BlogHer and the community there, I’ve got a pretty good deal inked with Divine Caroline. Hey, BlogHer, there is plenty of me to go around! I really hope to work out some common ground on that front. Watch the sidebars for the result(s).

Some of you may have noticed that I no longer reply via email to comments, but now respond in the comment section. Yes, I will still reply to (almost) every comment. I think that is important and if you took the time to comment I feel it is my responsibility to take the time to acknowledge that and thank you. The thing is, I get HUNDREDS of emails per day that require my attention and sadly I was starting to get really behind on my comment correspondence. That just didn’t seem right. Plus, some of the back and forth in those emails was too good to keep private. I’m hoping that by answering in the comment section that those conversations will continue to take place but in a way that everyone can enjoy and add to them.

In the words of Flower, or maybe it was Thumper, I’m twitterpated (by the way, looking for that picture I’ve decided that the movie Bambi is the single greatest contributer to the world of stripper names, ever). Yes, I finally admitted that I couldn’t ignore Twitter any longer and have jumped on the virtual bandwagon. If you want to follow me the link is on the left. Most of my updates deal with the status of my pants.

Something that I’ve alluded to lately is that I have a vision of completely overhauling Honea Express, complete with a new catch phrase, “Honea- sounds like pony, hung like horse.” The thing is that I’m not a code guy. I’m really looking for some ideas and help. Yes, I’m willing to pay, but I’m broke, so deals will need be discussed. Big deals, big plans.

I’m thinking of getting a new tattoo.

We were supposed to go to a special parentblogger gathering at Sea World this morning for the opening of their Sesame Street area, but the weather is crap. Sure would be nice if I could use the tickets later this summer. I’ll still write about it, Elmo!

There are some big changes happening in the Honea household as well. No, we aren’t pregnant (I hope) but some stuff is going to be happening professionally that will have a very positive effect on us personally. Future posts will keep you posted.

Wow, that was a lot of stuff. None of that will normally be in the new feature I mentioned 4 pages ago. It will look more like this:

Denis Richards has something up her ass. Smells like bacon (that’s a Kermit joke).

Zohan messed with someone

Matt McConaughey’s pregnant girlfriend enjoys a cold one

Organic t-shirts

T-shirts that Bert would love

Perez Hilton is an idiot

You get the idea. I’ll throw some links up from the various sites I write for and if you are so inclined to check them out then I hope you do so. If you don’t want to I understand (asshole).

Continue with your weekend.

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From Poet to Pimp

I know. I’ve been slacking something fierce over here. It’s sad really, since Honea Express is my favorite, but alas it doesn’t put food on the table and by the time I have a moment to post here it’s 3 in the morning and sleep wins out. Stupid sleep.

That doesn’t mean I haven’t been busy. Here’s what I’ve been up to (yes, I’m my own pimp, no middle man):

Writing open letters to Jamie Lynn Spears (as seen in Hustler).
Discussing Randy Pausch and his ‘last lecture.’
Smoking Tom Cruise.
Starting fights between Katie Holmes and Victoria Beckham.
Starting fights between Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton.
Making fun of John Travolta.
Making fun of Vanilla Ice.

I’ve also been raving about the latest in bacon undergarments, designer gas masks and some article filled with pictures of hot ass.

If you belong to Parentricity, and if you don’t you should, you’ll know that I’m still having nights of wind and whisky and staying healthy.

I haven’t done squat over at DadCentric or The Disney Blog, which makes me feel like a real schmuck. More so.

Yes, I’m busy, but it’s a living. Just know that no matter where the internets take me, I’ll miss you the most.

In closing, I’ll leave you with the immortal words of another pimp poet:

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Narcissistic Much?

Me, me, me. Yes, numero uno and all that.

Okay, I’m not the greatest thing since sliced bread, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night (not really). I suppose that reference is only good for those of us in the U.S., and by good I mean you get it but don’t find it amusing in any way.

But I digress, back to me. You may recall that I had a short story featured in Urban Molecule. Today they released an interview with me. Don’t let the fact that it is in the section called ‘Think Tank’ throw you. I’m obviously not thinking in any of my answers, yet I do appear somewhat tanked. Actually, I come across as a pompous ass, to which I say: Success!

I remind myself of that guy in college that wore turtlenecks to the coffee shop. Wait, I am that guy. See:

Okay, here’s the interview and the story. Get some culture, people.

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We Partied Like It Was His Birthday


We had a
birthday party for Zane on Saturday. Yes, his actual birthday was on Friday, but I couldn’t very well ask people to drive a thousand miles on a weekday.

Speaking of long drives, the award for furthest distance traveled would have to go to my dad who drove in from Marana, AZ. However, since he came out for the weekend and didn’t even know we were having a party, I’ll let the honor fall on Matthew and family from ChildsPlayX2 who nearly drove from another country. Their prize was a banana and a couple of swings at a monkey. BTW, you know how Matthew is always joking about how his wife is so much prettier than him- turns out he isn’t joking.

Rattling the Kettle was on hand with family and spent the majority of his time between the beer barrel and the batters box. Apparently he’s a switch-hitter.

Bill from The Frowning of a Lifetime and his girlfriend brought swords and coffee. They also smiled.

The L.A.’s were in the house and they took a suspicious amount of laps around the yard to make sure we all noticed their Ellen gift. Show-offs.

There were plenty of non-blog related people there as well, but since they don’t every bother to read this I’ll let them rest in relative obscurity.

And now for some many pictures:

Atticus, Ronen, Sweet Pea and L.A. Toddler getting sandy
Zane & The Monk

The kids vs. the indestructible monkey













Success

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