Honea Express

Archive for the ‘The Job’ Category

“If the stars were any closer I would fight them,” he said.

“The stars are not the problem, it’s the people between them that are causing all the trouble.”

“Then why is it called Star Wars?” he asked.

“Why aren’t you in bed?”

He stood there laughing in his pajamas, seeming so much smaller than a moment before.

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“The doctor called,” she said. “They say she only has two months left. Maybe three.”

“Holy fuck. How is she? How is he?”

“They aren’t good,” she said into a phone far away. “They found out on Friday, but you were in San Francisco and we didn’t want to bother you. There was nothing you could do.”

There still isn’t.

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“Is a cable car the same as a trolley?” he asked. His hands were grasping polls on either side and his feet were firm along the running board. The hills were fickle, climbing high then falling forever. The street was a blur beneath his dirty blue Converse.

“Are you having fun?”

He smiled against the wind and watched the peak rise to meet us.

“I am,” he answered.

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“We are shutting it down,” she said.

“Oh.”

“You have been here from the beginning, and this is hard,” she said.

“I know.”

“I’m sorry,” she added.

“I know.”

I walked for a while after that, lost in thought beneath a sky too blue and trees with the audacity to bloom.

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You are probably wondering what I could possibly know about saving money. That’s fair. My coffers are bare and even Old Mother Hubbard has more bones in her cupboard than I do.  It’s been months since my job situation took a dive, and while we’re still far from looking up, we have leveled to a reasonable cruising level. Reasonable meaning the captain has turned on the fasten seatbelts sign due to large pockets of turbulence. Large, empty pockets. But enough with the metaphors.

There are lots of ways to save a dollar these days, the easiest being don’t spend it. The second easiest is to shop wisely. Wait, is that an oxymoron?

By shopping wisely I mean look for the right deals on the products you want, rather than buying on impulse. This is the best time of year to find great prices — and lots of them, hence my standing outside the mall at 11 p.m. last night full of turkey and too much wine.

Online shopping is great, too. For instance, on Cyber Monday you’re going to find some of the biggest sales of the season, and there’s a way to stretch those savings even further: Upromise. Shop at Upromise.com’s 900+ merchants to get the deals you like, plus cash back. You read me right, cash back. Money in your pocket, people.

And that’s my favorite way of saving money while shopping, getting it back. Try it, you’ll like it.

Disclosure: This winter I was given a rare opportunity to be a Upromise Ambassador, which means, yes, this is a paid post. I hope that doesn’t offend you. The reason that I agreed to this relationship is twofold, a) I’m buying what Upromise is selling, and b) I would not have been able to purchase my children a single Christmas gift if this opportunity hadn’t come about. That’s right, people, you’re reading a Christmas miracle. Believe.

The thing about winning a major award without any sort of advanced notice is that you’re often caught with your virtual pants down and something difficult to explain in your hand. Seriously, have you ever tried to explain the perfect glass of bourbon? It’s not easy.

So it was that I received an email announcing that I, or rather this site, was ranked in Babble’s Top 50 Dad Blogs, while Honea Express was sitting here neglected, loading funny, and covered in reviews.

Still is.

However, being listed is pretty nice, especially since I haven’t been posting here nearly enough. It happens.

I’d like to say thanks to Babble, and more importantly, thanks to you. If it wasn’t for you nobody would give a crap what I did in this space, and I appreciate that every day.

I suppose this is kind of a lame post to have up on the blog now that I’m getting ones and ones of extra traffic, but I’m tired, Tom Waits is on the radio, and I’m thinking about drinking in the dark until the night takes me home.

This is what winning looks like, people.

I don’t think any of my other parent/professional blogging was taken into consideration for the list, but that’s what pays the bills, so if you have a moment please click below:

Kids Should Skip School (The Stir)

In Defense of Boys (DadCentric)

Occupy Childhood: Invest in Futures (BabyCenter)

Parenting on a Budget (BabyCenter)

Halloween and Other Scary Things (BabyCenter)

 Top 5 Superhero Movies of ALL TIME (JoeShopping)

Maker of “Word With Friends” to Launch Gaming for Acquaintances (Insert Eyeroll)

Thanks for all that voodoo you do, so well.

This is going to be a long one. No, that’s not what she said. It was me. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, people.

Anyway, what I’m trying to type is that it is once again time to clean out the ol’ review closet. That means you’re all winners. Except there isn’t a giveaway. Remember, someone famous once said, “I’ll only review stuff that is worth reviewing,” and I said it on this very blog. What does that mean to you, the winners? I’m glad I pretended that you asked, because the following items are things that either I, or a member of my family, enjoyed, and as such we believe that you, or a member of your family, would also enjoy them. It’s all about the giving.

She did say that one.

Now, stuff:

Did you know that Duran Duran is touring in support of a new album? The record is called All You Need is Now, and OH. MY. GOD. that is so true. The new stuff is actually really good, but a recent show in L.A. proved that the old stuff holds up pretty well, too.

Also holding up well? Duran Duran. Seriously, the guys look better than they did when I was a kid (at which time they were also kids). It was like watching Brad Pitt and the Cloonettes up there (which, by the way, should totally be a band).

If you get a chance to see Duran Duran in concert you should do it. Tell them I sent you, I’m sure they’ll remember me. On a side note, don’t yell, “Rio!” over and over. They’ll get to it.

When I opened the Freaky Pets box I knew I was in trouble. There was one cute little toy in there, just chillin’, and two cute little boys behind me, not chillin’. I braced myself for the fight.

Luckily, my children tend to surprise me from time to time, and this was one of them. They actually shared the Freaky Pet, which is a plush creature that turns inside out — yes, inside out, and goes from cute to “cranky” in about three seconds flat. Also, online virtual world.

Did that just blow your mind?

Kids can personalize, train, and care for their Freaky Pets online. They can even connect with friends online and play games with them too! The plush pets and 3-D game combine the timeless fun of collecting stuffed animals with age-appropriate content online. It’s the future, folks. And the future is now.

I took that picture with my iPhone. Now it’s hanging on the wall in our living room. No, I didn’t nail my phone to the wall (although, thanks to AT&T I’ve been tempted on several occasions). I went to Easy Canvas Prints and had the photo placed on canvas — hence their name. It was easy — more hencing.

All you have to do is pick the picture of your choice, upload it to their user-friendly site, and then pick from a few options (size and so forth). It took me all of five minutes. Of course, the hard part is picking the photo.

If you know me in real life you know that I look like a caveman, but smell like a clean caveman, and that’s because I’m a firm believer in twice-weekly personal hygiene management. Thanks to Dove and their line of men + smell good, I’m turning heads where I used to be wilting flowers.

The Dove® Men + Care™ line is formulated specifically for men who prefer a mild, unscented body and face wash that clinically fights dryness better than regular men’s body washes. Clinically, people. That’s like WebMD and shit.

It’s also hypoallergenic and is created without dyes and fragrances for sensitive skin, not that any man has that. Dove says that their new deodorants and antiperspirants are designed to last 48 hours, but I’ve had the same stick for weeks. The stuff works.

If you’d like to know more about man smells you can read skincare tips from Dr. Benabiothe, who is apparently an expert on such things, or tweet Dove Men + Care at @dovemencare.

If you know me in real life you know that I look like a caveman, a ruggedly handsome caveman, that’s because I stole that last part from Castle (and the first part from the Dove review above). It’s an awesome show on ABC staring Nathan Fillion and Stana Katic as a writer and detective, respectively, that work together to solve crimes, create bestsellers and stir sexual tension. And it’s really funny.

Season Four just started on the TV box (which I don’t have, but I watch it on Hulu!), and Castle: The Complete Third Season just came out on DVD, which I do have, and I watch it accordingly. Still funny. Also, parenting skills.

FastPencil and Mercer Mayer have a new book called Mercer Mayer’s Little Monster Fun and Learn Book, which is better than it sounds. The book emphasizes early education and provides readers with learning fun in ABC’s, counting, and enjoying bedtime.

We received a copy in the mail today and the boys were immediately drawn to it. In fact, Atticus read the entire thing aloud to Zane over a bowl of Monsterpolitan cereal. IT. WAS. A. MONSTER. PARTY!

I’ll be reading the book again this evening — especially the part about enjoying bedtime.

Like Mercer Mayer on Facebook. I bet he’d like that.

And last, but not least, right before we moved I was sent a box of Green Lantern stuff. The graphic novel was fantastic, but not appropriate for my boys (definitely PG-13), and the animated version on DVD was equal on both accounts. However, the toys were unimaginative and not very well made, which seems wrong because Green Lantern is all about imagination. And staying in school, kids. Plus, the live-action movie looked so bad that I didn’t even see it. Still haven’t — and Green Lantern is one of my favorite heroes.

They did send Green Lantern rings though, which are so freaking awesome that I’m writing about it anyway. Darkest night and all that:

And there you have it, friends, reviews of things that I reviewed and more or less enjoyed (or my family more or less enjoyed them).

Disclosure: All of the items were sent to me by their respective manufacturers or PR Firms at no cost to me. The opinions, obviously, are my own. Please note, despite my having a bit of fun with the products I am very grateful for having had the opportunity to review them, and I thank those that thought enough to send them to me. San Dimas football rules.

People often ask me what it is I like to do in my free time. To which I say, mind your own freaking business. If I wanted you to know about it I would put it on the blog. Or Twitter. Or Facebook. But probably not Google Plus.

But then it dawned on me that I do not have a moment of free time, hence my inability to answer. Sure, some might say that writing a blog post is “free time” and I get that, but I’m just taking a break from writing something for money. That’s a job, people. Some smoke on their breaks, I blog. Also, pornography.

Basically, I wanted to touch base with you, the reader(s), and let each and every single one one of you know that I truly appreciate your kindness in what was (and continues to be) a very tough time for us. But we’re making due and getting by, and the good (deity of your choice) willing, maybe we’ll win a few games.

I’ve been keeping busy. Limey Yank Productions is a full-time job without all the hassle of benefits or paychecks, and I’ve been posting random bits of parenting woes and whoas all over the designated play area of the Internet. I’m also trying something new: humor. It’s like funny.

My wife is enjoying her new job, the boys like their new school (the youngest started kindergarten last week!) and the dogs seem happy to be happy. I don’t know what the hell the cats are up to.

And in the meantime life is bits of love and leisure wrapped tightly between inboxes and deadlines. We spend our days working and our nights trying to catch up. The boys bounce barefoot from beach to branch, leaving a trail of sand-covered Magnolias in their wake.  The days fly by us like we’re standing still, but we are moving fast in all directions.

The wind is a chorus of whispers and promise. Free time is but a kite in the distance.

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Thank you for reading.

And here are the links I couldn’t fit into the paragraphs above. You’re welcome:

Atticus and the Lion King 3D Premiere (video)

Public schools outlawing peanuts

Disney’s D23 Expo recaps, Day 1 and Day 2