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Wipe, Haiku, Tweet, Win

cottonelle, care routine, tp, toilet paper, wipes, halloween

Cottonelle Scare Routine?

This post is sponsored by Kimberly-Clark.

He had been up for hours. His every turn a new layer of protection. Time muffled any telltale sounds. He was dizzy with comfort.

And so it was that the man found his little boy in the bathroom, spinning himself in rolls of Cottonelle, and looking every bit the mummy. The man looked at the toilet, then back to the boy.

“Wipes,” said the mummy, and then he kept on spinning.


That story didn’t happen. It was a conversation about possibility and bums, Halloween and changing rolls. It took place with one of us sitting and the other one trying not to breathe. There was a knock on the door and it was far too early for tricks or treats.

“It’s probably just opportunity,” said my son.

It was the plumber. He had come to fix the sink.

Fortunately, plumbers knock twice.


This is the last week of the Cottonelle #LetsTalkBums campaign. We have five winners to show for it. This weekend we will pick two(2) more and your chances just doubled.

The contest is easy enough, all you need is a Twitter account, a mailing address in these United States, and 17 syllables you are willing to let go. Let them run. Let them breathe. A haiku is nothing but freedom.

And it is also a golden ticket. Tweet an original, family friendly haiku about bums and Cottonelle wipes (part of the Cottonelle Care Routine) with the hashtags #letstalkbums and #haiku, and you will be entered to win one of two remaining spots for a $200 gift card and a chance for a trip to the Dad 2.0 Summit in New Orleans. The details can be found at

Lots of people know what it’s like to miss New Orleans. You don’t have to be one of them. You want to go to Dad 2.0.

Below are the previous winners, all of which have won said $200 gift card and are in the drawing for the NOLA trip (trip includes flight, hotel, conference pass). That is a one in seven chance, and may the odds be always in your favor.






Do you have what it takes to haiku your way to New Orleans?





A Tale of Two Tides

Kids Beach

This post is sponsored by Tide and Downy. They also provided financial support to host the event discussed below.

It takes exactly 14 minutes to get from our driveway to toes in the sand. Not that we’re keeping track. Of course, when you factor in L.A. traffic, lack of parking, and the sun in your eyes it can take a little longer.

Needless to say, when Tide and Downy provided the opportunity for us to throw a beach party with our friends we took it! We had a great group of families show up for food, sand, and tide watching. It was about as beautiful of a day as you’re likely to see, which is nice.

Of course, a day of digging in sand and waves can make quite the mess—our car is still covered in the grains of beach day memories. We cleaned up the beach, both our mess and the assorted litter we found around us, and then once we rinsed ourselves off it was time to clean the blankets, towels, and assorted swimsuits from the day. That’s where Tide and Downy came in. You can probably figure out the rest.

Tide and Downy have spent the better part of June showcasing the dad’s way (#dadsway on Twitter) of parenting, and just because Father’s Day is behind us that doesn’t mean that dads are done—we’re still active and involved every single day. To help celebrate fathers Tide and Downy have used the awareness and support from this campaign to make a donation to the National Fatherhood Initiative, who also know a thing or two about engaged dads.

It’s not too late to share your story about what makes Dad uniquely him. Tell the world on Twitter at hashtag #dadsway. Dad will love it, especially after you explain to him how popular Twitter is.


Father’s Day was so Fresh and so Clean


This post is clearly sponsored by P&G, makers of Tide and Downy.

Father’s Day started like they all do, me sleeping in upstairs and the house below a shouted whisper. Then there were some cards made at school which were freshly dug from the pits of disregarded backpacks. We followed with brunch, a bit of shopping, and then the four of us hit the couch for a movie marathon and some treats, because what is Father’s Day, or a movie marathon for that matter, without treats?

The boys didn’t “get” me anything—meaning all those lists that come around with the latest gadgets for dad never made it in front of their target audience, mostly because their target audience isn’t allowed to surf the Internet without my supervision, and I am okay with that. All I wanted was time together, and we made the most of that.

My wife, however, did do something for me. She did the laundry, and that was as good as any coffee cup wrist massaging app.

You see, I usually do the laundry. Granted, the boys like to help, where like to help means that there are a number of stores next to the laundromat that they like to frequent. The laundry is my job, and my tools are Tide, Downy, and as many quarters as I can carry. Also, coffee.

The first thing I thought of on Father’s Day was that all of my shorts were dirty, and I had a hunch about my underpants, too. I wasn’t looking forward to spending two hours of my Sunday morning loading, washing, drying, and folding. Or doing laundry.

That’s when I saw it. The basket of laundry by the dresser was clean, and there was light shining down upon it. The stains were gone, so Tide was in on it. The clothes were soft, do Downy had been there, too. Together with my wife and a bunch of quarters they had given me a wonderful Father’s Day gift. They got something similar for the boys.

We all got dressed in our Sunday best shorts and flip-flops, put on our sunglasses, and hit the day smelling of a soft ocean mist. That was Tide and Downy again. They’re givers.

I already know what I’m getting my wife next Mother’s Day.

tide detergent

This coming weekend Tide and Downy are making it possible for my family and a group of friends to have some messy fun in the sun. We are going to have a Tide Party, because, duh, Tide. Yes, I’m that clever. We have some incredible tide pools by our house and we are going to spend an afternoon playing in them. There will be sandcastles, exploring, a picnic, some laughter, and a lot of cleaning up to do. I’ll handle that, and Tide and Downy will help (literally, I expect some pretty muddy clothes by the time our day it done). It promises to be an awesome time.


Just because Father’s Day is over doesn’t mean P&G are forgetting about dads until next June. Dads are active all year, and their stories need to be told! Help Tide and Downy celebrate your dad’s way of parenting by telling a story about dad on Twitter using the hashtag #DadsWay. Whether dad showed strength like Tide or gentleness like Downy their story is worth sharing. Added bonus for strength and gentleness, like Tide with Downy!

And that’s not all! For every tweet sent using the hashtag #DadsWay through June 23, Tide and Downy will donate $1 to the National Fatherhood Initiative. There will also be a Dad’s Way (#dadsway) Twitter Party Thursday, June 20, at 8 p.m. EDT. I’ll be there, and I will smell fantastic.


Disneyland’s 50th

We arrived at the Grand Californian Hotel on May 4th. Disneyland, as we were told, was closed that day, so we would spend it by the pool or perhaps stick our heads into Disney’s California Adventure and see the new Pixar parade. We checked in a little before 9am and to our surprise we were given FREE (since when does Disney do anything for free?) tickets to Disneyland! It was a media day and all guests of the three Disney hotels got surprise entry. Very cool.

Steve Martin was there dedicating a theater. Tim Allen was there dedicating the new Buzz Lightyear ride. Kelsey Grammar was standing in line at Indiana Jones. Julie Andrews was giving interviews on Mainstreet. Art Linkletter was over at DCA checking out the latest rides. Garth Brooks, Trisha Yearwood, Wayne Gretzky, John Stamos (who actually owns the original Disneyland sign- has it in his yard) and the rest of ABC’s primetime lineup were riding rides, eating cotton candy and wearing little gold mouse ears. Also, churros.

The morning of the 5th we went down to the park entrance about about an hour and a half before opening. You know, to be the first in. Yeah right. The plaza between the two parks was jam-packed. It was like Mardi Gras, but with shirts. People were dancing and singing and complaining. It was awesome. We went in the park and were able to get fairly close to the castle. Imagine rushing the stage at a concert while pushing a stroller and being shoved by little old ladies and 20,000 gay men in matching attire. Actually, you probably can imagine that if you’ve ever been to a Bette Midler concert.

Art Linkletter came out and addressed the crowd. He talked about the original opening day at Disneyland and about his friend Walt Disney. LeAnne Rhimes came out and sang a song that Richard Marx (yes, that Richard Marx!) wrote for the event. Christina Aguilara followed with a song. Julie Andrews came out and spoke. An orchestra played. The popular ‘Come Home’ commercial (below) was continued, with the little boy that was “missing” running from the castle afraid he was too late, only to be joined by all the Disney characters, straight from the ad. Stitch on his motorcycle. Genie fresh from his camel. You get the picture.

After that the large curtain covering the front of the castle was dropped to reveal the final touch, a Mickey icon in gold with the number ’50′ written inside it. Some had speculated that the curtain hid a raised drawbridge, but that was not the case.

The remainder of the day was normal, aside from new merchandise and insane crowds.

The new parade and fireworks show were both, respectively, amazing. They both covered a lot of Disney history- the parade covered the movies and the fireworks covered the park (also, literally).

Over at DCA the Pixar gang had its own new parade, which was basically Toy Story meets American Bandstand. It’s got a good beat. I can dance to it. I give it an 80.

We stuck around until Saturday morning and managed to pull ourselves away in time to make the two hour drive home, change our clothes and go to work. Talk about reality hitting you square in the arse.

The whole experience was fantastic. I highly recommend it.

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